Three for Thursday

Through writing this blog I have had the good fortune to discover similar blogs of my friends and family.  Even though some of them make me feel a little bad for my unhealthy choices.  Such as my special cake.  (It's a chocolate box cake, jarred chocolate frosting, and gratuitous chocolate sprinkles.  You may be wondering what makes it "my special cake."  It's me yelling GRATUITOUS SPRINKLES! while I make it.)

One such blog belongs to someone we met just before we moved to Columbus.  She was a roommate of a friend we met in Austin.  Even though we didn't know her very long we think she's awesome.  Like most blogs it chronicles her life and her inner thoughts.  It is themed around a simple request:  to make her a tree.

DONE.

She has a running theme on her blog.  She will have lists that have titles that have alliteration with the day of the week.  (Example:  Top Ten Tuesday.)

In that vein, I bring you THREE FOR THURSDAY!  Wherein I will list three things.  In this case, it will be three things about Columbus that drive me up the wall.  Things I can't stand.  In no particular order:

1: THE REFUSE COLLECTION DIVISION

For the first time in my limited existence I don't have a dumpster in which to toss my trash.  I have this pathetic trash can:

Such a waste

That in and of itself is not all that bad.  What's bad is the trash pick up schedule.  See:  Whenever there is a government holiday the entire schedule shifts by one day.  Every. Stupid. Holiday.  Not just the big ones, like Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Stupid ones like Columbus day, Washington's birthday, and Egg Salad day.  So I am never really sure when it is our trash pick-up day.  To make things worse, according to our lease if our trash can is out on a day that it's not our pick-up day we get fined by our apartment complex.  The result is me taking out the cat poop in my pajamas, seeing that all of our neighbors trash cans are gone, and saying "Too cold.  maybe next week."  While next week involves me ax kicking the trash can lid to try to smoosh down the pile of trash so the lid closes.

2:  COMMON MAN AND THE TORG.

When I drive around I like to listen to sports radio.  I don't know why.  I just do.  Now, you need to understand, all sports radio has gone down a peg now that I am not immersed in Longhorn news.

But these guys take it to a whole new level.  Several times they call an opposing coach "stupid."  Now, I don't care if you don't like or agree with someone.  Hell, usually I don't care if you call someone stupid.  But if you are being paid by a media outlet to lend your expertise to a subject, you should probably at least try to avoid sounding like a middle schooler.  Plus their voices.  THEIR VOICES!  God is to Morgan Freeman as the Devil is to these guys.  Not quite the Devil, seeing as he is crafty.  Is there a subject in the Bible that is malevolent yet incompetent?  Don't believe me?  Here's an exert from their sports-related program.

I don't know about you, but I was ready to claw out my ears ten seconds in.  BALANCE BE DAMNED!  The Wife pointed out that everything they say about animal science is wrong.  Their knowledge of sports is almost as solid.  When I was telling The Wife about this list she responded: "Why don't you just plug in your iPhone?"  This show makes me want to do just that.  But when it comes on I can't spare the attention.  Why?

3:  THE DRIVERS

Maybe it's because the traffic was so bad in Austin that we all had an unspoken agreement with each other that we'll help each other out.  The traffic here isn't so bad so I think everyone is looking out for number 1.  I'M getting to the exit first.  I'M not going to stop at this stoplight.  I'M not going to wait until the lane clears before driving into the intersection so when the light changes I'll be sitting in everyone's way.  I'M going to flip you the bird when you slow down for a yellow light.  All in all if you were to look into my window while I am trying to dodge the cars who are zooming around me to cut me off on the exit ramp (actually happened) I would look a little like this:

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In Austin you would sit in the same place for about half an hour during rush hour, and that's bad.  At least your life didn't flash before your eyes every time you needed to pick up some milk.  I don't need any more reminders of how boring I am.

Runners up:

Grocery stores

Constant rain

"Mexican" food

On another note:

Be jealous.

Last up in this really poorly paced Blog post is THE MOUNTAIN DEW OBLIGATORY THE CAT PICTURE OF THE DAY!  I found him taking a nap on our bathtub.  I was surprised when he didn't flip out on me when I woke him up.

All Quiet on the Storefront

Alright.  I'm sorry that I am a bit late in my post.  I did say that I was going to post on my experience working on Black Friday.

Or, as I like to call it, "Friday."

I had a 9:00am to 9:00pm shift.  Twelve hour shift with a 30 minute lunch break.  I left the house an extra 30 minutes early because I thought I wouldn't be able to find a parking spot.

The Expectation

So, as it turns out, it wasn't that bad.  I was able to instantly find a parking spot and sit in my car for 30 minutes listening to the radio.  I missed the mob.  Instead I had a steady stream of people all day.  So, I didn't have to worry about getting pepper sprayed or trampled or what have you.  (I suspect next year
someone will bring an actual mace.  Like, spike ball on a chain mace.)

All I had to worry about was the length of the shift.  As both of my sisters write blogs in which they refer to their endurance running (found here and here) I think I'll refer to my experience working through a pictorial marathon metaphor.

Hour 1 through hour 3

Hour 3 through hour 6

Hour 6 through hour 9

Hour 9

Hour 9

Hour 10

Hour 11

Hour 12

Yes.  TIME ITSELF slowed down and made my last 4 hours dreadfully long.  OK, maybe time didn't slow down as much as my perception of time slowed down, but still.  CURSE YOU, TIMELORD!
When I got home I was pleasantly surprised.  Through some Redditry, Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal offered to send me a free poster.  It had been so long I figured that I had been forgotten, but when I came home I found this waiting for me:

Needless to say, it made my day a little bit brigher

Now, for this post's THE OBLIGATORY THE CAT PICTURE OF THE WEEK The wife wanted me to post this picture of The Cat's Christmas collar: 

It's got extra jingle bells and extra cheer.

 But, instead, I am going to use this picture, which was taken today after he decided he's had enough Christmas cheer:

You just been Bah-Humbugged, bitch!

Thanks for listening to me whine!  If there is any topic you want me to cover about our life here in Columbus let me know.  I'm out of ideas.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

The Wife and I have completed our first thanksgiving in Columbus.  And it was a very Muppetty thanksgiving at that.

Yesterday afternoon The Wife and I saw The Muppets in Easton.  The Wife and I weren't very impressed with the theater itself.  The movie started late, the speakers were uncomfortably loud, and I am not sure they know how much soda costs elsewhere in the United States.  And the theater upkeep? I guess they wanted to give people a feeling of accomplishment upon finding a clean seat.

Two consecutive seats without melted gummy bears fused to the cushions? HELL YEAH!

But the movie?  Awesome.  Molly and I were both happy with Jason Segel's take on the characters.  Without giving too much away it's about the Muppets trying to save their old studio by producing a comeback show.  The movie basically said: "70's or not, the Muppets' message of acceptance, love, and humor is relevant."  I kind of hope this leads to Kermit and the gang returning to TV.  And by kind of, I mean I've never hoped for anything more.

That's a hyperbole.

Today The Wife had to grade some papers so I spent the day watching Muppet Treasure Island and Muppets from Space.  Awesome.

Then we had dinner.  Now, since The Wife and I live on our own we decided to have a thanksgiving dinner that consisted of only the good parts of the Thanksgiving meal.

Dumb.

The only things we made were mashed potatoes and a green bean casserole.  But we got some premade turkey, stuffing, and croissants.   Our spread looked like this:

Notice the missing croissants.  They didn't make it to dinner.   Also not pictured is my Coke in a wine glass.   It's a holiday, I wanted to be fancy.

After dinner The Wife and I watched some Community on DVD, and The Wife fell asleep.  Then we watched the DVRed parade.  They had a medley of songs from "Spider-man: Turn Off The Dark."  After which we had this conversation:

The Wife:  "You know what would have made this WAY better?"
Me:  "Not having the music written by U2?"
The Wife:  "Yes, actually.  That's what I was going to say."

Then the villains came out, and the true horror of this show was made known by all.

I have to put an end to Broadway. 

It's a tradition in The Wife's family to decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving.  Since I am working all day tomorrow we decided to put up the tree today, and don't say "Christmas needs to stop butting into Thanksgiving!" If Thanksgiving wants Christmas to back off maybe Thanksgiving should try to be more awesome.  You know why Christmas keeps butting into Thanksgiving?  Because Christmas kicks Thanksgiving's Puritan ass.  Hell, many people eat big turkey dinners as part of their Christmas celebration.  Thanksgiving is Christmas without all the presents and damn holiday cheer.  Suck it.

Anyway, here are some highlights from our tree:

My grandparents have been sending us these Texas Capitol ornaments for years.  I was happy to put a few of them up.

When we got married we couldn't find an "our first christmas" ornament that we liked.   So we made one out of a Tangled ornament. 

Two South Park pictures in one post?

Congradulations, Texas Longhorns, for giving Texas A&M the send off they deserve.  (who else wasn't worried when they were leading in the first half?)

One of the many Marvel themed ornaments.  Our tree is at least 85% Disney.

Bart and Funzo.  "Writhing Funzos / in a sack / makes me happy / makes me hurt my back!"

Last featured ornament:  Wolverine stealing Christmas.  What a jerk.

Here is the finished tree.  It's a Wal-Mart tree that looks more like the Charlie Brown christmas tree than the tree on the box.  But we love it anyway.

Anyway.  Merry Christmas!  I'll post again after my experience working on Black Friday.  Until then, here's The Obligatory The Cat Picture.  He decided to take a nap in a stupid place.

If you step on me, I will flip out on you.  You will wish you were never born.

A horrible flight and my triumphant return to the work force.

The Wife and I went to my Grandfather's funeral this past weekend.  It was a nice service that focused more on how awesome he was rather than how sad we'll be now that he's gone.  We then went to my uncle's house to look at photo albums and share funny stories.  Side-bar, after looking at decades worth of photo albums I firmly believe that my grandfather never willingly wore a shirt.  After it was over I asked the wife what she would like to happen to her remains.  She had three words for me:

I WANT TO BE THE 1,000TH GHOST!

Then we flew home.  Now, we didn't have a lot of notice so we booked two days before we flew to Rio Rancho.  (It's like the Richardson or Cedar Park of Albuquerque.)  We chose American Airlines because they had bereavement rates.  (A fact that one of my Uncles plans to use on a regular basis.)  Because we booked late we could not check or reserve a seat until we got to the airport.  Therefore we were in group 4 every flight.  Every flight was full and we heard, "We have a full flight and we won't be able to hold everyone's carry on bags.  If you wish to check your bags for no charge please see the customer service representative."  WHAT?  You're not going to CHARGE me for this inconvenience?  SCORE!  Needless to say we were pushing down women, children, and that one guy who wouldn't get off his Amazon Kindle to store our bags.  Luckilly we didn't have to check bags.  We didn't want to show up to the funeral in our airport attire due to lost bags.

I only fly in my Forever Lazy.

The trip back was ridiculous.  On the first flight (ABQ to Dallas) we were put in the last row of the plane.  Here was the view outside our window:

I know it's your first flight, little Billy, so you can have the window.  Enjoy staring at the engine for four hours!

Why on Earth is the jet engine RIGHT NEXT to the window?  I felt like I was being brainwashed by the noise.  Since we were on the last row our seats didn't lean back.  But the seats in front of us sure did!

The Wife said she felt like a typing T-Rex.

I felt really bad for The Wife.  She has a big test this week and needed the flight time to study.  It was not the easiest atmosphere to study in.  I had some important stuff to do too, though:

24 down, 126 to go.

 Then we went to our second flight (Dallas to Columbus):  We had the exit row.  Bright side:  more leg room.  Down side:

Facepalm

Now the wife can't work at all.  She read a study guide for a bit.  I played the part of the "cup holder."  I have no regrets.

Now that We're back in Ohio I have officially joined the ranks of the employed.  You are reading the blog of the newest holiday season cashier for the Easton Best Buy!  Eight dollars an hour here I come!  Let the celebration begin!

Click the picture to get the TRUE celebration!

OK, so I have to admit that I am not super excited for my new employment.  Maybe it's the fact that I'm a checker again.  Maybe it's the fact that I am not even getting ten dollars an hour.  I am not sure.  I'll do my best while I am there.  Maybe I'll be able to get a raise if they decide to keep me after the holidays are over.

And now, the return of The Obligatory The Cat Picture.

It was so nice when you weren't in my face with that phone.

My Tuesday

Today was kind of a big day.  So I decided to post about it.  I hope you'll indulge me.

Before I woke up I was dreaming that I was one of my high school friend's best man in his wedding.  Lets call him "The Ginger."  Now, in real life The Ginger is not engaged nor is he in a committed relationship, so why it was his wedding I have no idea.  Needless to say everything was going wrong.  (It was a dream after all.)

I was awakened by a phone call.  My phone was downstairs.  By the time I got down there the phone stopped ringing.  It was my older sister calling.  I grabbed the phone and walked upstairs.  The Wife woke up when I did and checked facebook.  When I came back into the bed room she told me what my older sister was calling about:

I called my older sister back.  She was surprised that The Wife found out via facebook.  I hadn't asked who posted it yet but it was my mother, (It was her father that passed.)  We talked a bit and she told me that my mother was working today.  She just started a new job and only has two vacation days.  She decided to save them for the service.  My sister asked if we were going to visit my family in Albuquerque.  I replied saying that we'd do everything we could once the service was planned.  I could tell that my sister was tearing up while we were talking.

I tried to call my little sister and mother, but wasn't able to get a hold of either of them.  I talked to them later in the afternoon.  My mom is doing OK, but she says she always knew that he was there if she were to call.  It's odd for her now that isn't true.  Apparently my grandmother is holding up alright.

My little sister called while I was on the phone with my mom.  Apparently my mother and older sister tried to get a hold of her but failed.  She learned when her soon-to-be mother in law sent her a text message:  "Sorry about your grandpa."  To which she adequately replied "WHAT?!?"  She was the most broken up which isn't surprising.  She had the least amount of time to deal with it.  Also, she is by far the most sensitive of the three of us.  Her heart isn't on her sleeve.  Her heart IS her sleeve.  She has a heart sleeve.

The Wife e-mailed her TA professor and told him what had happened.  She wanted to stay with me today.  We got up.  We had lunch.  We voted.  And the whole time The Wife was very supportive.  All in all it kind of looked like this:

I really appreciated it, but I don't know how necessary it was.  Here is a pictorial representation of my emotional reaction to the news.

I can't explain why, but I haven't broken up.  All of my family members that I have talked to were fighting back tears on the phone, so why aren't I?  Maybe it's because I have been expecting this for a while.  But then again, he hasn't been in good health for years.  I'm not the only one who has been expecting it.  I don't know why it hasn't hit me yet, and I'm feeling guilty that it hasn't.  I loved him very much and I genuinely enjoyed the little time we spent together, so why can't I get worked up about his passing?  Either it will hit me harder once I get to New Mexico or I'm broken.  We'll see which.

 While it's customary to say "rest in peace," I don't think that fits my grandpa.  When he was in good health he was a pretty jovial, unpredictable guy.  I remember he and his wife taking vacations and having fun.  Here's a typical grandpa story:

One day, before my grandma left for some reason I can't remember, he told her "I'm thinking about looking at a van," and my grandma replied, "...ok."  Well, when she came back home a van was sitting in the driveway.  "Did you buy a van?"  My grandma asked.
 "Yes.  I told you I was."
"You said you were thinking about looking at a van!"
"Well I did.  And I liked them, so I bought one."

There's only one thing I can think saying of when it comes to him:

Theodore Van Bastian III

1925 - 2011

Keep on Rocking